It’s a packed train on a cold day. I get the same train every day and recognise the faces of roughly half the other commuters. Man1 is a new face to me, tall and smart with a one length beard and haircut style. Man2 is a regular on the train, a short broad man who seems to be putting a lot of pressure on his pinstripe suit and open collared shirt.

Man1 : Gets up from his seat opposite Man 2 and moves to another part of the carriage.

Man2 : Looks pointedly at Man 1.

Man1: (surprised) “Oh – you coughed in my face, should really put your hand over you mouth.”

Man2: “Well you ought to shut your mouth. You should shut up”

Man1: (still calmly) “You coughed in my face, I don’t want to catch your germs.”

Man2: “Well you ought to shave, that’s unhygenic”

Man1: “What are you talking… You silly Bugger”.

(there’s a pointed silence where Man2 stares intently at Man1)

Man2: (obviously not happy with the way the previous exchange had peetered out) “You should be careful who you speak to. You’ll get yourself in trouble opening your loudmouth like that. And you had your feet on the seats.”

Man1: “No I didn’t, you’re just making things up now.”

Man2: (embarassing himself even further) “You’re just embarassing yourself even further, you should aplogise.”

Man1: (surprisingly still calm) “I am sorry, that you coughed in my face.”

Man2: (surprisingly at a loss for words since he really should have seen that coming) “Well.” (Subdued he returned to his paper, which was the Telegraph of course.)

Calm returned to the train and we all carried on, relieved that they hadn’t come to blows. I shall be sure to move seats if Man2 ever sits opposite me in the future.